The long expected ‘Celebrating 50 Years’ Trailer is about to arrive; but it doesn’t contain any actual footage of the 50th Anniversary Episode. So in the spirit of Crazy Captions, I suggest a ‘Bonkers Reasons’ Competition.

I’ll start you off with:

1. We can’t make a trailer because we’ve lost the footage for The Day of The Doctor. All the footage. Sorry. We did deliver it to the Archives for storage – and then it went missing. They’re muttering something about Nigeria.

2. We can’t show you a trailer because budget difficulties at the BBC meant we could only afford one scene of Daleks being blown up, one shot of Matt Smith hanging off the TARDIS in Trafalgar Square – and then we went and spent the remaining budget on the cast and crew’s entrance fees for the Tower of London. Could you lend us a tenner?

3. There’s no trailer because we don’t want to reveal that The Day of The Doctor is really the tragic story of Three Doctors – who complain constantly that things would be better if only they could go to Gallifrey. It has a great many shots of David Tennant staring meaningfully at the old TARDIS console, which he does rather well. It’s a cert for a BAFTA.

4. We can’t show you a trailer because the whole of the space-time continuum would collapse if we did. It just would. You’ll understand on the 23rd November 2013.