Fifty Bonkers Reasons There’s No Trailer

19 October 2013 in Caption competitions, 55 comments

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The long expected ‘Celebrating 50 Years’ Trailer is about to arrive; but it doesn’t contain any actual footage of the 50th Anniversary Episode. So in the spirit of Crazy Captions, I suggest a ‘Bonkers Reasons’ Competition.

I’ll start you off with:

1. We can’t make a trailer because we’ve lost the footage for The Day of The Doctor. All the footage. Sorry. We did deliver it to the Archives for storage – and then it went missing. They’re muttering something about Nigeria.

2. We can’t show you a trailer because budget difficulties at the BBC meant we could only afford one scene of Daleks being blown up, one shot of Matt Smith hanging off the TARDIS in Trafalgar Square – and then we went and spent the remaining budget on the cast and crew’s entrance fees for the Tower of London. Could you lend us a tenner?

3. There’s no trailer because we don’t want to reveal that The Day of The Doctor is really the tragic story of Three Doctors – who complain constantly that things would be better if only they could go to Gallifrey. It has a great many shots of David Tennant staring meaningfully at the old TARDIS console, which he does rather well. It’s a cert for a BAFTA.

4. We can’t show you a trailer because the whole of the space-time continuum would collapse if we did. It just would. You’ll understand on the 23rd November 2013.


55 comments

  1. 5.  The [unpaid] intern misunderstood the term ‘trailer’ and all the money was spent on a static caravan in the American South.

  2. 6. We made a brilliant trailer which you would have loved, but then a really strange thing happened. A very battered old blue police box of the type that used to be seen on British urban streets in the sixties and seventies materialised in the BBC office where the complete trailor was being given the final check over, the door swung upon and a strange man leapt out brandishing something which looked rather like a fancy biro.

    “You can’t show that”, he exclaimed.

    “Why ever not”, our producer asked.

    “Timey Wimey, Wibbley Wobbley” he replied, then with his strange pen like device he made a motion towards the computers and all the screens simultaneously went blank. He then stepped back into the box, shut the door, there was a whirring sound and it vanished. We turned our computers back on to find that the trailer had been wiped. We searched the entire BBC building and found that all traces of the trailer had suffered the same fate. So we bring you this trailer instead…

  5. 9. We made a trailer, but Steven Moffat grabbed it, screamed “My Precious!” and has now run off to a small island in the middle of an underground lake. Whenever we talk to him about it, he says it’s: “Our Anniversary Present, Preciousss…”

    Don’t worry; we’re sending Martin Freeman in to talk him down.

  6. 10. It’s a bit like when you’ve got a big essay due to be handed in tomorrow and so you procrastinate like crazy. You go and redecorate your entire house (and/or any other jobs you’ve been putting off) rather than do the essay. Anything but that!

    So what we’ve done is make trailers for everything else ever (even stuff that doesn’t or won’t exist) just so’s not to have to make ‘that’ trailer.

    Procrastinate! Procrastinate!!!

  8. 12. David Tennant’s controversial hairstyle is currently being digitally redone with CGI frame by frame, costing more than twice the original budget…

  9. 13. Matt Smith’s hair has it’s own contract with a substantial likeness rights bonus.  The BBC is subsequently losing money on every Doctor Who Mr Potato Head and the suits have insisted that to save money the trailer must be re-shot so that the hair is never on screen.

  10. 14. Look – we have the trailer, but our relationship with the more demanding elements of Doctor Who fandom can be summed up by the old joke advert “Sadist seeks Masochist to ignore”. Frankly – listening to them moan just TURNS US ON.

  12. 16.  What do you mean you’ve not seen the trailer?  It’s on BBC1 every night at prime time… You CAN’T have forgotten it already

     

     

  15. 18. When the BBC say: ‘This trailer does not include any actual footage of the 50th anniversary episode’, what they can offer us is the full version but with hastily drawn visuals featuring stick-men.

  20. (Jeepers @Bluesqueakpip – at this rate, you’ll have to re-name your blog ‘A Hundred Bonkers Reasons There’s No Trailer’.  😀

    PS: Fantastic idea for a blog btw.  Well done you!)

  22. 24. The BBC has just realised that The Day of The Doctor will be aired in Movember. As part of its public service remit and to increase awareness of male cancer, moustaches are currently being CGI’d onto all the male actors in the cast*. The trailer will be shown when this work has been completed.

    *Except for John Hurt, who already has a tash. And a beard. **

    **And except for the Cybermen, because that would be silly.

  25. @ScaryB – whaaaa, you want me to die tonight?  (albeit happy  😀  )

    (Just ensure you’re on the ‘Text’ tab, and click the ‘img’ button before pasting your image location.

    Didja notice we have this sparkly new ‘Help‘ tab in the header?  It’s PhaseShift’s original blog, which I updated for the new-look forum and Craig put into the header so it’s more accessible.)

  26. @Shazzbot Not tonight! Just to be happy! And prepared 😀

    Re help button – good idea

    <note to self : read the instructions before you do something. And remember what you did 5 posts earlier!> 😳

  30. 27 1/2 @ScaryB

    Philip Morris has it and he’s not giving it back

    Not without a hefty ransom, he ain’t.  Those private islands in the Caribbean don’t pay for themselves, ya know.  😆

  37. 34.  The trailer is hidden in a fob watch that John Simm accidentally walked off set with.  Efforts to contact Mr Simm have been met with “Go away … that was all in my past!  I’ve done plenty of acting since then, didn’t you see ‘The Village’?”

  39. 36. They have cunningly decided to release it on the “Enemy of the World” dvd on 25 November, 2 days AFTER the 50th,  in order to ensure that no one misinterprets it before the 50th.

  41. 38. The Weeping Angels got to the person who was doing the final edit on the trailer and whisked him back in time. So we need to wait 50 years till he’s caught up with us again!

  42. 39. The Weeping Angels got to the person who was doing the final edit on the trailer and whisked him back in time* to December 1962. He then showed the trailer to some Canadian called Sydney Newman, who thought it was absolutely brilliant and a great idea for a television series. Sydney’s convinced his new bosses at the BBC that it’ll be perfect for a Saturday evening slot, and has decided to call it Doctor Who…

     

    *copyright ScaryB

  44. 40. There is no 50th – we’re actually cancelling it and we just wanted to see the look on your faces.

    41. Its being released at London Comic-con only this weekend

     

     

    Actually, they’re both really rather depressing

  45. 42. The supercomputer Deep Thought has just suggested it was shown two weeks ago in the in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’. Apparently a nearby spider thought it enthralling, giving it five stars.

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